Payback
by AkatsukiStalkers-RebelQueens
Summary: Sakura decided Kisame went too far when he took her bed and woke her up in the middle of the night. with an Uchiha blabber mouth and pregnancy test in hand, she's going to make sure Kisame never takes her bed again. Oneshot while i was bored. Author: Neko


**Payback**

…

"Come on, gills!"

"Go away."

"Please?"

"No."

"come on!"

"I'm busy."

"You're lying in bed like a _dead man_! Come _on_, you aren't doing anything!"

The mass of blue human just grunted.

"Come on, damn it, get off of me!" the whine cried out from underneath said blue mountain.

"Nope. Cant. I'm asleep." Proceeded by a few loud snoring sounds.

"Damn it gills, next time you get back from a mission I'll make sure your healing is _excruciatingly painful_!" the flailing tangle mass of the pink bundle continued, "Why are you even in my room, and in my bed at such an ungodly hour of the morning?!"

"Hm. Maybe it had to do with a recent little someone's fight with a certain terrorist bomber that, in the end, blew up my room?"

"Well fucking crush _Itachi_ with your fat ass! He's you're partner!"

"You're bed is nicer. And it's your fault. Again."

"Damn it, fish face, you're gunna crush me!" the pinkette cried, finally succeeding in escaping from under his stomach. She squeezed out with a light _pop_.

The pinkette rolled around on the floor, "Air! Air! Ahhhhh, it feels so great in my _crushed lungs_!"

"Heh, stuff it, kitten. I didn't even put all my weight on you, what are you whining?"

She tossed him a bright green glare. Kisame just snorted, returning it with a wide toothy grin and teasingly snuggling into her purple-blanketed bed.

"Fuck you, pervert." She grumbled, sitting up on her soft shag, light beige carpet.

"Wording, Sakura-chan." He teased. "I could easily take you up on that offer."

She stuck her tongue out and made a face. "Such a pedo bear, Kisame."

"Last I checked, I was a shark."

"Fuck you, fish stick." She flipped him off.

"Wording, Sakura-chan~! You must really want me, huh?" he grinned, burrowing into _her _blanket.

Oh, how he would _pay_.

…

…

…

Kisame was still sleeping in _Sakura's_ bed when she heard steps and the creak of the door next to hers on the left echo through the empty hall.

This would be risky, but since Itachi was, amusingly enough, Akatsuki's second biggest gossip after Deidara, and what he said was far more believable then anything Deidara had to say, he would be the best target.

Sakura quickly spared another glance at her ready appearance in the mirror. Tousled hair? Check. Lip's swollen from biting them and a slight nick? Check. Slightly stretched and a little bit ripped pajama shirt sloppily sagging? Check. Wearing really short shorts that can't be noticed under the shirt? Check. Fake bruises that were easily made via Sakura's medical jutsu skills? Check. Really animalistic and sharp bite marks on neck and shoulder made with kunai and Sakura's epic knowledge of wounds, slightly healed to look like they had been made in the night? Check. Teary eyes from said bite-making process and fierce rubbing to make them nice and red? Check.

A sleep-foggy Itachi just out there in the hall? Check!

Sakura grinned evilly at the creaking sound of Itachi closing his door, definitely on his regular routine of heading to the kitchen. Operation 'Payback On Kisame For Being An Ass' was a go!

…

…

…

His jaws parted for deep yawn, Itachi had just closed and locked his door when he heard the tell tale groan of hinges and a shaking of a door knob. Silently his gaze flickered to the hall clock on the wall. No one else but, occasionally, Konan, and almost always, Pein, were ever awake by this time.

As he tucked his key into his pants' pocket, Itachi turned to find that Sakura's door was the one who had opened. Which was definitely _not_ normal. If he knew anything about Sakura: she was not a morning person.

He was about to offer his calm greeting, as per norm, but immediately stopped himself.

_What. The hell. _

Of course this was what came first to mind. And as his wide eyed gaze followed her slightly limping, shivering walk he just couldn't do anything but stare. Catching sight of her teared face just as she stepped shakily into the bathroom, he waited until the bathroom door had shut before slowly, shockingly turning his head to her door.

_Who?!_

This was the only thing that now violently cut through his head. Who had done that? And to Sakura?! Who had the guts to make a pass but that she couldn't kill/wouldn't kill? She'd decapitate and castrate anyone who even thought about it!

He couldn't help but open her door. He couldn't help feel like he was having a seizure and finding Kisame, his own partner, on her bed.

He didn't wait another second. He didn't even have the patience to walk calmly. Instead he took off down the hall, near screaming if not for his Uchiha will power. _Holly hell I need to tell someone!_

…

…

…

Sakura poked out her head, watching what many thought was an emotionless prick -but those of Akatsuki knew he was an incredibly retarded gossip at heart- streak down the hall. Her grin nearly split her face when she watched him do exactly as she thought he would: enter Pein's office.

Satisfied, Sakura pulled out the gag gift Ino had gotten her long ago before she had become the Akatsuki medic. What better way to top off this then with a fake positive pregnancy?

Now, to casually place this on the sink, put Deidara's rag over it for when, as every morning part of his routine is to wash his face…

Soon this would all be in full swing. Sakura had no clue what would happen once the world was aware of the 'pregnancy'. But it would sure as hell be funny!

…

…

…

She held her breath at the breakfast table in the kitchen.

While she had been eating her typical bowl of chocolate cereal, like always with a cup of Itachi's special Uchiha-brand tea and a cookie from Tobi's morning batch, Kisame had entered the kitchen.

She tried desperately not to laugh when the room's occupants- Pein, Itachi, Konan, Sasori, and Tobi- all sent the shark either furious glares or stared at him in utter shock, save for Tobi.

What the orange masked kid-of-Akatsuki did was much more humorous; he picked up Sakura and booked it through the other kitchen walkway, the whole time screaming "hurry, Sakura-chan, Tobi smelled something _fishy_ in that room!"

…

…

…

It was a little bit later, where Sakura and Konan were sitting in the living room watching some neat indie documentary called 'catfish' on the TV when the next interesting thing of the morning happened.

It began with a horrified shriek from up the stairs that made both the pinkette and Konan bristle, turning to look.

When Deidara, in a panicked flurry, nearly falling down the stairs to his death, burst into view and hurried down, Sakura almost laughed again. He stopped and stared at Konan, but then Sakura. "Which of you is it, un?!" he demanded.

"What?" Konan asked, confused.

"Who took the test?" he demanded again, voice raising a few octaves beyond what it should be able to reach and ready to pull out his hair. Sakura turned her head purposefully back to the TV with a sharp jerk. Deidara's gaze turned to her, staring suspiciously.

"What test?" Konan's brow knitted in confusion.

"WHOS GUNNA BE A MOMMY?!" he screeched at the top of his lungs.

Sakura took the initiative and immediately poofed out of the room. The pair of Akatsuki stared at the spot where she had been sitting. Konan promptly passed out and Deidara ran back up the stairs screaming for Sasori and Pein.

…

Sakura sat in complete silence, mentally laughing as Pein sat in total discomfort behind his leader's desk, trying not to look at the pinkette sitting in one of the three chairs in front of his desk whom carried a face of mock anxiety.

When the door opened, Kisame stepped in grumbling, and Sakura's gaze flickered over to see a very distressed looking Konan leave after escorting Kisame in, casting him a side-long glare.

The shark sat in the chair in the middle, Sakura to his left, leaving the empty one to his right.

Pein sighed, and he practically radiated awkward, and she tried very hard not to start giggling or even let a smile crack. The ginger shuffled some papers that definitely didn't have anything to do with this, and began, "now that you are both here, we can start this meeting."

"Shouldn't Itachi be coming?" Kisame asked with a raised brow.

Pein shook his head, "no." Kisame furrowed his brow, confused.

Sakura coughed softly into her hand as if stifling a cry or something, really just chocking down a laugh, turning her gaze away. They both glanced to her, Kisame with a curious look and Pein concerned. The ginger could see half her face, and with Sakura holding her breath she had made her face turn red and was working those fake tears to a slight build.

Fuck, it was surprisingly easy to sucker Pein.

Said man went back to shuffling those papers uncomfortably. "Sakura, would you like to give your partner the news?" he asked slow and gentle, "Or would you want me to tell him?"

Sakura didn't answer; half afraid she's burst out laughing. After a stretch of silence, Pein seemed to relent, leaning back in his chair. He turned now to Kisame, who looked _terribly_ confused.

Lacing his fingers in a typical bad guy pose, Pein spoke simply. "Kisame, she's pregnant."

The blue man remained blank face. "I don't believe you."

Pein looked totally shocked at the response. Sakura covered her face in a hunch, trying so very hard not to start shaking in laughter or explode.

"Kisame, she is _pregnant_. Deidara discovered the test she took, and she's been acting suspicious. It is true." Pein clarified.

Kisame gagged. "Holly hell, you have to be kidding!"

Pein muttered to himself in irritation. He motioned to Sakura with one hand, and following the motion Kisame observed Sakura's hunched form, how she stubbornly avoided everyone's gaze by staring at the wall on her side.

"…fuck." He muttered, shocked. _Who on earth did SHE get with?!_

Pein, feeling a little ruffled, flipped through papers again. "From now on, you are responsible." The ginger said firmly.

Kisame, assuming it was because he was most often Sakura's partner over anyone else, nodded with a stifled groan. Pein gave him a look, observing zero true concern to the matter. Now he was understanding the reservations Sakura seemed to have bared in announcing this.

Meanwhile the pinkette tried not to cry from the humor.

It was only when Kisame finally ended the joke with a single sentence that confused the actual fuck out Pein did the pinkette fail to rein herself in.

"So who's the father, anyway?"

Pein grew completely dumbfounded, and Sakura slid out of her chair, completely loosing herself as she curled into a ball, laughing her ass off and crying full tears. "Oh my god I can't take it anymore!"

Pein face palmed. "Good lord Sakura, please tell me you didn't."

Sakura sobbed wildly to herself, "I _never_ said I was pregnant!" she cried, laughing so hard her stomach _really_ hurt.

Kisame blinked, "I have no clue what's going on here. Does this have to do with why Itachi won't talk to me or why everyone's glaring at me?"

Pein groaned, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "Itachi apparently found you in her room and for some reason ran around telling everyone you managed to force her into sex? Next thing I know Deidara's screaming about finding Sakura's pregnancy test."

Kisame looked at Sakura like she was crazy. He might not be so off point. "Holly hell, Sakura! I steal your bed for one night after you destroy my room, and you frame me for _this_?"

Sakura stopped laughing and pointed menacingly at him, "listen here, fish. No one messes with Sakura Haruno when she wants to sleep."

With that she turned and stalked out of the room. "Have fun explaining this to everyone! I'm going to get some sleep since I _didn't get any last night_."

Kisame leaned out the door, glaring at her retreating form. "One of these days, princess, you're gunna be so happy invade your bed- and you're going to miss a lot more sleep." he proclaimed with an evil scold.

Tobi burst out from a door. "KONAN-CHAN, DEIDARA-SEMPAI, KISAME'S GOING AFTER SAKURA-CHAN AGAIN!" he cried.

Kisame winced and Sakura laughed from her room. "Fuck, I'm going to be dead before I clear this up." The shark whined to himself.

There was a lot of explaining to do…


End file.
